I dunno, it didn't really do that much for me. I like the vagueness, I think it's part of your style, but I don't think there was anything to really tie it all together.

Thanks for writing,
J.

--
"Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requiris.
Nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior."
- Catullus

<sub>ah, nicolas ii is just awesome. (:
the october revolution is pretty much amazing. russian history, overall, is fascinating to me (as well as chinese and the middle eastern history).
great images. however, the ending seems a little unsatisfactory in my opinion. it's probably the way i read it aloud so don't fret about it.

haha. i should really get back into writing. (:
(i haven't done it for at least two weeks.)</sub>

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_{Avatar made by ~abbyland!}

you are absolutely right.
it needs major editing.
i think i have to reconcile the vagueness with the need for an actual coherent storyline.

i'm considering not submitting this
just because it needs so much work.

--
_{let's play a game called you pretend i am an actual poet}

i love russian history too (:

nothing about this piece is satisfactory, for me.
i don't think it needs to be rewritten,
but it begs for a major edit.

--
_{let's play a game called you pretend i am an actual poet}

Well, it's not THAT hideous. :S

--
"Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requiris.
Nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior."
- Catullus

oh, it's still incredibly hideous.

i think that's exactly the right word.
i honestly have never been so dissatisfied with myself.

--
_{let's play a game called you pretend i am an actual poet}

i actually like the last three stanzas a lot. they're tied together and have an overall kinda theme. actually, the whole thing really isn't that bad. there isn't a certain PART i don't like, but i'm used to seeing a lot more... coherent? pieces from you. but i still really really really like this. the idea fits the abstractness and everything. but i don't feel a strong theme going on, just bits and pieces trying to hit on one. ionno, don't pressure me XD

if you're adamant about finding something to nitpick on, though, i really don't like the choice of 'curdled milk'. it's just offbeat from the rest of the mood, imo.

i think what's going on with your writing now is that you're being forced to write so much in so little time these days, so maybe you haven't fleshed the pieces out as much as you would have liked, and of course inspiration and ideas can't just come when you call on them, which is what might be happening now. idk. xD so you're feeling that your writing's...err, crappy since there isn't much substance backing a lot of it? like, i've felt that it's gotten a lot more random (or maybe just deeper) than before.

feel free to ignore all those ramblings. |D just my thoughts on it all 8B <3

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icon by ~Kamiye

D: Don't get all emo, now.
Though maybe that equals a better poem.

--
"Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requiris.
Nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior."
- Catullus

_{here is your
canon:}

is magic, i think.

i agree that this needs editing but it's not anywhere near horrible.
it has a lot of potential.